The Effects of Doing Too Much: A Cautionary Tale

The first signs that I was “doing too much” occurred my first year of teaching. My expectations of my students were so high. As a teacher, my mission was to have my students be able to compete on a global scale. I wanted them to know their worth and know,  without a shadow of a doubt, that they were exceptional and capable of doing anything they desired. My students were not going to be cast off as inferior. I wanted them to be the best when some were still struggling with reading, self-esteem, and the day to day pressures of living in a highly traumatic environment. 

The self imposed pressures of being an excellent teacher, going for Master’s, and navigating my first year of teaching really took a toll on my mental health. To top it off I had a Principal who saw so much potential in me, she encouraged me to take on even more tasks. 

Principal: Khalia, will you be a part of our Educational Technology team.

Me: Of course, 

Principal: Khalia, will you be a part of our Instructional Leadership Team

Me: Of course.

Principal: Khalia, will you sponsor our Drill Team club?

Me: Of course. 

Around this time, my stress level and anxiety was through the roof. Mind you this was the early 2000’s and the word anxiety wasn’t really a part of our conversations. All I knew was that I started to get an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach the closer I got to my school. A tightness would occur in my shoulders, and I would experience severe bouts of IBS, which would happen all through the night. I couldn’t sleep because my mind kept ruminating on all the things I needed to do, all the things I did do, and all the things I wanted to do but couldn’t because I had so much to do. 

I remember my first Open House as a teacher. We were all challenged to create a “technotronic” book showcase. As the new, fairly young, hotshot resident “techie” person I wanted to go above and beyond expectations. I wanted each student to write, illustrate, print out, and display their books in the most elaborate way. Needless to say, that ain’t happen! I was pushing my need to “do more” onto my students and they weren’t having it. My students were acting out, the clock was ticking, and our technology was SLOW. 2003 slow. I remember going to my principal’s office and just bursting out in tears. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t have it all together. 

So, what went wrong?

I didn’t have a guiding star my first year as a full time teacher. Yes, I had a vision for my students, but I didn’t have a clear direction I was shooting for, therefore I was doing everything I could to “be the best”. What exactly was the best? How did I define it? Was it to be the go to extra-curricular teacher? Was it to be the head technology lead teacher? Or was it to be the hot-shot instructional leader? (By the way, I became all of those things, but it was at a huge cost to my health.) If I were to do my first year over, I would have focused on ONE thing to master and let that one thing be my guiding star. By having a focus, I would have been able to determine if this was something I should add on my plate. Will serving on this committee help me master my ONE thing? Nope. Thank you for considering me, but I won’t be able to do it. 

Now, I want to ask you what ONE thing you can focus on for the remainder of the school year?